Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
