I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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