I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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