And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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