Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My life is pants optional.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
