I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
