Kiss
Puke
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
