I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
