your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
