??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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