spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
