I feel like I'm in dance class right now
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
