yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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