oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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