I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
