I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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