I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
