Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
