You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
