He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
