You really coming over, don't trick.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
