Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
