Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
