Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
