I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
