Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
