I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
