if i died would you start the facebook group?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
