I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
