Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
