New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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