guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
