No stitches, just platelets and will power
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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