what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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