i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
