in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
