I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
