Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
