Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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