Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
