im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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