Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
