dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
