I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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