I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
