I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
