I puked a lego.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize