Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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