Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this boner is exhausting
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
