Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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