dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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