She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
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When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
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What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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