Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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