Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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