If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
