Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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