i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
