Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
