Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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