i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
