I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
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My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
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it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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