I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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