He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
