I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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