Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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